Coffee Gal: So how was your birthday?
Rude Dude: Oh…yeah well Girl tried to kill herself last night. (Snicker Snicker)
Coffee Gal: What?
Rude Dude: Well, yeah it was a cry for help or something. ANYWAY, she took a bunch of penicillin.
Coffee Gal: (Laughs) Ohh god! Whatever!
Rude Dude: (Laughing) Right? I’ve been telling this story all day and I sound like such a jerk. But listen to this, soo Girl and Boy started fighting AGAIN and I was like hell no…I gotta get out of here, I have my dinner to go to. When I try to leave, I find Girl slumped over on the stairwell between my room and the front door. I’m thinking great, now I have to actually engage. So I said…Uh Girl what’s wrong, you okay? She says, yeah I’m sick. I took pills.
Coffee Gal: Oh god how drama can you get!
Rude Dude: Yeah she like pointed to the shelf in the bathroom and I saw that Boy had some sleeping pills but I don’t think he had that many left, maybe three or something? But I guess she took a whole bunch of penicillin too. I was just like trying to pat her back and walk over her so I could get out of the house you know? (mimics patting and stepping over a body).
Coffee Gal: Seriously! (Rolls eyes) Like…there there now go watch some cartoons and feel better (in a fake motherly mocking tone).
Rude Dude: Ahaha. Yeah I know, I was patting and stepping over her at the same time and pretty much out the door, just saying you’re gonna be fine, it’s all okay (in a hurried tone).
Coffee Gal: But you didn’t just leave her there?
Rude Dude: No no, I called Friend and was like “Umm you might wanna come over, Girl might not be feeling well and nobody is home.”
Coffee Gal: Oh yeah good. So like what is her deal? She needs to find someone that doesn’t make her feel this way or something. Like what a mess.
Rude Dude: Yeah, I know. Boy doesn’t know what to do, if they break-up she won’t have a place to stay and I guess he feels bad. But the other day Girl tells me she doesn’t know how she feels about him. Later when they were fighting I heard her say “You know I love you.” Ugh that is when I was like, I HAVE to get out of here!
Coffee Gal: I guess she should find another “bloke” to use since that is what she is good at doing, right?
(They both laugh)
Rude Dude: Yeah…ahaha right! Anyhow, I heard that they called poison control and she is in the hospital on psych watch…or something, I dunno. Like oh god just get me out of the house, right? I can’t miss my dinner party.
Coffee Gal: Yeah I know it was your birthday, totally you couldn’t be late. Oh my gawd. So crazy…
Rude Dude: Ahah yeah I seriously sound like such a jerk huh, but you know like take care of your shit.